The Fight for Control and the Art of Surrender

“Hi, my name is Jessica, and I’m a control-freak.” she says, nervously wiping the sweat from her brow.  

Yep.  That’s me.  I am a die-hard, gotta-have-it, addict for control.  I like it, I like it ahh-lawt.  I’ve always justified this particular character flaw because I don’t necessarily find myself with a desire to control other people.  I mostly just prefer to be in complete control of myself and my surroundings at all times!        (Some reasoning, eh?  As if this somehow makes me less ridiculous. ;)

So as I said before... Hi, my name is Jessica, and I'm a control freak. 
(Say it loud, say it proud?)

Control likes to sneakily disguise itself as feeling capable and responsible, when it actually involves trying to cause or force things to happen.  It is about directing behaviors and trying to acquire power over people and circumstances.  We try, with all our might, to finagle the outcomes we think we need.  We put forth exhausting efforts to fit a square peg into a round hole so that we can feel accomplished, safe, and secure in the end-results.  And even though I AM GUILTY AS CHARGED, I must say... THIS IS STUPID!  Mostly because I'm learning that control is an illusion!  One that is nearly ALWAYS rooted in fear or anxiety.  Absolutely, undoubtedly, no way around it!  No amount of perfectionism on my part can alter this cold, hard truth.  I don't want to fail.  I don't want to be wrong.  I want it done right.  I need answers.  I don't want to be embarrassed or taken by surprise.  I don't trust the ground beneath my feet.  ...So I attempt to control myself, my environment, and my kids.  And it just isn't working. 
Why not?

Because we are not in control.  We weren't made to be, we aren't meant to be, we never will be.  God is in control.  He doesn't need our help or our input. He's got it together and He sees the bigger picture, even when we can't.  Struggling with control issues has provided a very special hindrance in my walk with the Lord.  Why?  Because releasing my perceived control requires a ton of trust.  In theory, it's so easy to believe this whole "God is in control" thing.  Hey, I’ll even spout it off to somebody who wants or needs to hear it.  And I'll believe it... for them.  But my need for control mostly comes from a lack of believing, deep down in my core, that God truly has this covered.  He knows me, has me, keeps me, LOVES me, and He works ALL things together for my good.  I feel like I should start saying that as a morning mantra.  Over and over and over, until I know and feel the abounding love and power of those truths.

It’s a tricky thing, control.  It mirrors pride and fear in many regards, but especially in the way it seeps into so many parts of who we are.  It tugs at the root of all our major issues.  I've spent a lifetime thinking I was self-sufficient.  I was completely unaware that Jesus would totally take that load off my shoulders.  So now I have to learn what it means to give God the control I never really had.  I have to release it from my death grip!  I now know, with certainty, that Jesus calls us to be free from our baggage and burdens.  He brings all the good stuff and the bad stuff together and creates something beautiful out of our everyday messes; all in one ever-evolving, awe-inspiring, astonishingly intricate grand design.  He desires to deliver us from our ailments and I desire to be free.  

So to combat our control issues, we must learn the art of surrender.  If we used the same energy to surrender ourselves to the will of our Father that we use trying to plan, prevent, and predict everything we would accomplish SO much more!  Stop fighting against yourself, your world, and your relationships.  Instead of trying to use force to manage everything, try letting it be.  Let it be.  When you recognize you are being dominated by the spirit of control, make a deliberate effort to let it go.  Be conscious of it and make a shift from control into surrender.  

Sometimes, it's helpful to pinpoint what exactly is driving the need for control in that moment.  Is it based in fear or something else?  Is it true?  I like to visualize myself taking

my burden-of-the-moment in my hands, and laying it down at the Lord's feet, in prayer.  I give it over to Him and ask Him to take it away.  It's particularly fun when it vanishes in a cloud of smoke.  Find a tactic that works for you and make it your go-to.  Let the peace of surrender wash over you.  Allow the Lord fill you with his ever-loving presence and free you from your demons.  Bathe in the feeling of freedom after each success with surrender, and ride the residual above and beyond the next wave.  Consciously surrender yourself to God's will in all areas of your life and allow Him to give you rest.  It's the best rest you'll ever get! ;)


"You, my brothers and sisters, were called to be free." Gal 5:13