Dare You to Move

I've been listening to this song for years, & for quite some time before I ever took notice of the spiritual meaning behind the lyrics.  It's been on my iPod for a LONG time, but rarely listened to.  However, nowadays, I love the spiritual subtleties in Switchfoot's music.  There's a greater purpose in that and I love it.  This morning Dare You to Move played while I was in the shower, and even though I've heard it hundreds of times (even recently), the lyrics spoke to me in a profoundly different way today.  The Holy Spirit has been with me all morning, so I shouldn't have been surprised by this sudden spring of inspiration, but I was.  Bear with me as I humbly summarize my thoughts on some of the lyrics, and then hopefully, it will bring the rest in to focus.  Mind you, those same spiritual subtleties that I so love also leave room for multiple interpretations, and I think that's what makes it so beautiful.  You can relate it to the Bible, you can relate it to life on earth, as a believer or non-believer.

For me, this entire song is about the battle between living for the world or living for something GREATER.  It is about coming to the altar and making a choice.  It's about a beautiful awakening.  Do we choose the promise of eternal life, or to simply exist? Kneeling before the Lord, do we dare get up and move?  Can you stand up and refuse a life full of perfect, awesome promises; a life of surrender to Him?  I dare you to move...
 I choose Him.  I surrender.  And then, "what happens next?" 
"Welcome to the fallout" ...Oh the fallout.  We must give up our worldly desires and know that we will face persecution in the process.  "Welcome to resistance" ...my biggest struggle.  There is a spiritual battle between resisting the temptations of the world and living a life that is pleasing to God. Have you found your strength in Him to endure the fight?  Can you remove yourself from being accepted in the world for what your Heavenly Father tells you is right and good?  Do you feel the tension between the sinful nature you've known so long and the person Christ is calling you to be?  It is time to relay who you are to who you could be.  Do you feel the strain "between how it is and how it should be?"  I live here right now... and I don't want to get stuck, I want to move.
I dare you to move...
And suddenly the meaning of the chorus changes for me.  He dares me to move.  A challenge to get up off the floor and live this brilliant life he has laid out for the taking.  To have faith and become exactly who He always meant me to be.   He is challenging me to get up and move for Him, even when others aren't.  Even when they will judge me for it.

Once you come to the Lord, you are forever changed.  You can't go backwards, you can't un-know the truth.  You can't pretend it never happened.  He is the light, the only way.  So, it's time to move forward and accept these gifts.  There is so much beauty and hope, wonder and awe... meaning, purpose, and love with our Father... "where you gonna go?"  He is the only answer.  Forgiveness, redemption, salvation... with Him, they are yours.  

~and now that I'm on the verge of some big tears~

Be confident that He works only for your good, and that He will continue that work your whole life through.  Remember that your past is a part of your history, a part of your testimony.  You can't throw it away.  But it doesn't have to matter so much anymore.  In Him, you are made new.  You get to begin all over and be who He calls you to be.  If that's not powerful, I don't know what is.  

I have seen God's blessings rain on me exponentially recently.  I have felt the Spirit near to me more often than I could have ever imagined.  I hear His calls, I feel His love.  And yet, the resistance and tension were, quite possibly, more present than ever.  I called out to the Lord for understanding.  I knew He was working for me in great ways, I knew it.  But I couldn't see the bigger picture.  I was disbelieving of what He was showing me.  I was doubting His plan for me.  I asked Him to show me.  Please, just show me again.  
And then I heard his whisper.  And I doubted, still.  For, His bigger picture was bigger and more meaningful than I had originally thought.  But I heard it again... and then I saw it, clearly and concisely.  And while I still have questions, I am at peace knowing I am not meant to understand it all.  I am only meant to follow where He leads.  He has a given me a glimpse of what our walk together is purposed for.  That's all I need.  
So, yes, let it begin... 

Overcoming Pride (and the road to Humility)

Okay, so I feel like I've gotten a little off track with this blog.  It is supposed to be, at it's core, about my ongoing voyage in coming to know the Lord, and the self-growth that results from submitting myself to His will.  I don't want to forget that!  Though I'll admit, it is SO much easier in theory than in application. ;)  So, to get back to the heart of this thing, I've had to step back for a couple of weeks and decipher where He wants me to lay my focus next.  In true fashion, He delivered in BIG ways.  He is flooding my heart with His calls and placing all the right people in my life to guide me through.

SO, let's talk about PRIDE.  And how I have far too much of it... AND what that means for me spiritually, AND how to begin ridding it from my life! (Brace yourselves, this feels like a long one)

Growing up, even at a very young age, I can remember feeling chastised for my stubborn pride.  It's another one of those things I don't really understand about myself just yet, as far as where it's rooted and such.  Most of my life I've just chalked it up to one of those family traits I wish I hadn't been saddled with.  I mean, it runs deep ... I get it honest.  BUT, that doesn't make it okay.  I've "owned" it for a long time, but the closer I grow to my Heavenly Father, the more I don't want to own it at all.  It's unbecoming.

What does the Bible say about pride, you ask?  I'm glad you're curious, too! Turns out, the Bible has several things to say about it.  (Proverbs is apparently the place to go!) Here are a few pieces of scripture that speak to me: 
"To fear the Lord is to hate evil; I hate pride and arrogance, evil behavior and perverse speech." Proverbs 8:13 (NIV)
"The Lord detests all the proud of heart.  Be sure of this: They will not go unpunished." Proverbs 16:5 (NIV) 
"When pride comes, then comes disgrace, but with humility comes wisdom." Proverbs 11:2 (NIV)

Pride, for me, has been about pushing through life alone.  I am too prideful to admit when I need love, help, or attention.  I don't want to cost anyone anything.  I don't want to be a burden to those that I love.  This is one of those pesky lies I've come to believe about myself throughout my life. I accepted this particular lie as one of my truths over the last 10 years, as the result of being in a very unhealthy relationship.  I let him convince me that, not only was I a burden, but I was unworthy of anything my heart desired.  As if this wasn't bad enough, I let my pride trap me in that awful relationship.  I was too proud to admit I deserved better, too proud to walk away; to admit to my bad decisions, defeat, and failure.  I gave him far too much power over my heart and soul.  Somehow, pride distorted my perception of strength and I felt I could and should cope with the mental and emotional lashings.  I struggle greatly with vulnerability because of pride.  My pride doesn't allow me to be me very often.  Yes, even my shyness is pride.  I can't speak when I want to speak, I can't find the nerve to ask questions, for fear of rejection.  I experience my emotions behind closed doors and then shove it down deep in the recesses of my being.  I know better and yet, can't make myself do anything about it.  I am too prideful to forgive, and therefore, I'm cheated out of inner healing. Every major issue I battle is directly linked to my problems with pride.

Pride is a subtle sin that takes you over completely.  It manifests itself big and small, and unsuspecting... and then super glues itself to your insides.  It is incredibly difficult to resist or reverse, and is intensely destructive to one's spirit.  My pride is hindering me from fully obeying the Lord.  I want to be of service to Him, grow in grace, and help others in the ways He has called me to do.  Yet, my pride rears it's ugly head incessantly.  

So, how do we begin to overcome pride?  

Initially, I believe it begins in grounding yourself with an understanding of who we are in relation to God.  We are the created, not the creator.  In pridefulness, we tend to think we can do things on our own.  We forget that everything we have has been given to us by the Lord.  We disregard His perfect design for us in pursuit of our own selfish plans. We must remember that the opposite of pride is not shame or guilt, but humility.  We should humble ourselves before our Father, and learn to accept love and help from others.  Why?  Because these are God's blessings to us, and by accepting them, we are giving glory to God.  I don't know about you, but I don't ever want to be disrespectful of the gifts the Lord has given me.  Secondly, I think we have to learn to seek God's word for our struggles.  It should be the standard by which we live our lives.  By all means, absorb what you can from others, but always measure their words with God's word.  Lastly, turn to prayer. Prayer and pride tend to complicate one another.  People with a lot of pride don't always pray as fervently as they should, but there is no need to go this alone. Confess your sins and pray for forgiveness.  Pray for humility and discernment.  Pray for healing and restoration from the spiritual destruction pride has caused you.  Pray that Jesus will take your heart full of pride and replace it with a humble one.  For, "God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble." James 4:6  

I encourage you all to take inventory of the areas in your life that are controlled by pride.  You may be acquainted with of much of it offhand, but you'll be surprised to see how it seeps into every imaginable nook and cranny of your spirit and festers there.  The greatest power in taking stock of your pride is that once you are aware of its presence, you have no excuse to let it live there any longer! ;)  It is time to set foot on the road to humility so that we may receive God's grace and fulfill the lives he meant for each of us.  And don't forget to pray, pray, pray! :)

Lucky? Not so fast...

I am so tired of hearing how "lucky" I am to get "a break" when my boys are away, be it with my parents or when they are with their dad for visitation. What the hell is wrong with people?  Sure, we ALL need those breaks on occasion.  I firmly believe it makes you a better parent to step away and indulge in self-care.  But I'm so OVER hearing how incredible my life must be because I'm forced to share my kids.  I am lucky for sure, if by "lucky" they mean "blessed." I am blessed to have 2 incredible kids who make my whole world right. Blessed that I thoroughly enjoy their company. Blessed that I have an understanding of what being a good and effective parent means, and that I'm devoted enough to strive for that. Blessed that I do get "breaks" from time to time, and blessed that my children have a big extended family who love them and want to spend time with them. Sure, we're "lucky." (Rant ALMOST over... but let's dig a little deeper, shall we?)

I understand the every day stresses of being a parent.  I, myself, am guilty of being all too often short-tempered, impatient, and easily frustrated by my boys.  We all are.  Being a parent means you fail most of the time.  We are all getting it mostly "wrong" every single day.  And yet, by the grace of God, our children are incredibly quick to recover and forgive, and love us through it all.  On my best day, I'm not half the mom I want to be. This is the very essence of being a parent.  Loving them intensely, failing them constantly, and getting to wake up the next morning and try again.  I am in love with this brilliant notion.  Praise God for their innocence and resilience!  No matter how terrible or amazing my parenting is on any given day, God willing, I get to wake up the next day and try to be better!  In realizing this when my oldest was a baby, it made me strive harder and higher with every passing day.  I was a mom I was proud to be most of the time, and everybody around me noticed.

Life got tough, baby #2 came... life got tougher... and for a while, I wasn't proud of the Mom I was.  I didn't enjoy my kids, I "needed" those breaks far too frequently... I lost sight of God's gift to me. And everybody around me noticed that too.  It's only been since I made the decision to change my life and get away from an unhealthy situation that I could hear God's call again.  Try again, wake up tomorrow and try again.  Be who they need you to be, be who I made you to be.    When you feel a call like that, you work your hardest to meet it.   

I will never deny the fact that I struggle with being a parent as much as the next person.  I also give major props to the other women, like myself, who are doing it alone... It makes life's hardest job HARDER.  And the heavier my stress load, the less of a parent I am. However, in going it alone, there is no choice but to keep on pushing forward, for everyone's sake. (No tag team effect here). Also, in knowing people who can't or don't have children or in remembering my own struggle to carry a pregnancy to term, I have found a greater appreciation for my blessings.  Keeping these things in mind, keeps my parenting approach in check.  

Find something that keeps your parenting in check, and try to remember it daily.  Hold on to thoughts like that each time your children test your patience.  Be acutely aware of your interactions with them, and act or react accordingly. 

On a good day, my boys think I hung the moon.  They are such Momma's boys, and contrary to things I've said in the past, I wouldn't have it any other way.  They love me unconditionally, like no other.  They consume my whole heart and I would do anything for them.  On a bad day, I have singlehandedly wounded their hearts and spirits.  Nobody wants to carry that burden... we all want to get it right, more often than not.  

So am I "lucky" to have people in my life who swoop in to ease my load, love my children, and provide us with a support system?  Absolutely, I am.  I'm not only blessed, but I am grateful.  I am grateful for my God, who knows my imperfections and loves me anyway.  I am grateful for His forgiveness and the forgiveness of my children.  I am grateful to Him for each moment I get with those awesome boys... to hug them, play with them, for every second I get to be their mom.  I make every effort not to take that for granted.  So please, STOP telling me how "lucky" I am to be away from them.  Those days that we're apart?  Those days are a sacrifice.  It is for a bigger purpose that you may never understand.  Stop looking at my life through rose-colored glasses.  Turn around and look at your own and be thankful for those beautiful babies who are driving you crazy!  And if you need a break that badly, ASK.  I'd be happy to help, cuz I'm missing mine like crazy. 
Maybe I'm alone in this... but I don't want breaks anymore, I don't want time apart.  I want my kids.  We have to be grateful for our kids.  Always. 

Rant officially over.  No editing... just my crazy, jumbled thoughts. ;)