I understand the every day stresses of being a parent. I, myself, am guilty of being all too often short-tempered, impatient, and easily frustrated by my boys. We all are. Being a parent means you fail most of the time. We are all getting it mostly "wrong" every single day. And yet, by the grace of God, our children are incredibly quick to recover and forgive, and love us through it all. On my best day, I'm not half the mom I want to be. This is the very essence of being a parent. Loving them intensely, failing them constantly, and getting to wake up the next morning and try again. I am in love with this brilliant notion. Praise God for their innocence and resilience! No matter how terrible or amazing my parenting is on any given day, God willing, I get to wake up the next day and try to be better! In realizing this when my oldest was a baby, it made me strive harder and higher with every passing day. I was a mom I was proud to be most of the time, and everybody around me noticed.
Life got tough, baby #2 came... life got tougher... and for a while, I wasn't proud of the Mom I was. I didn't enjoy my kids, I "needed" those breaks far too frequently... I lost sight of God's gift to me. And everybody around me noticed that too. It's only been since I made the decision to change my life and get away from an unhealthy situation that I could hear God's call again. Try again, wake up tomorrow and try again. Be who they need you to be, be who I made you to be. When you feel a call like that, you work your hardest to meet it.
I will never deny the fact that I struggle with being a parent as much as the next person. I also give major props to the other women, like myself, who are doing it alone... It makes life's hardest job HARDER. And the heavier my stress load, the less of a parent I am. However, in going it alone, there is no choice but to keep on pushing forward, for everyone's sake. (No tag team effect here). Also, in knowing people who can't or don't have children or in remembering my own struggle to carry a pregnancy to term, I have found a greater appreciation for my blessings. Keeping these things in mind, keeps my parenting approach in check. Find something that keeps your parenting in check, and try to remember it daily. Hold on to thoughts like that each time your children test your patience. Be acutely aware of your interactions with them, and act or react accordingly.
On a good day, my boys think I hung the moon. They are such Momma's boys, and contrary to things I've said in the past, I wouldn't have it any other way. They love me unconditionally, like no other. They consume my whole heart and I would do anything for them. On a bad day, I have singlehandedly wounded their hearts and spirits. Nobody wants to carry that burden... we all want to get it right, more often than not.
So am I "lucky" to have people in my life who swoop in to ease my load, love my children, and provide us with a support system? Absolutely, I am. I'm not only blessed, but I am grateful. I am grateful for my God, who knows my imperfections and loves me anyway. I am grateful for His forgiveness and the forgiveness of my children. I am grateful to Him for each moment I get with those awesome boys... to hug them, play with them, for every second I get to be their mom. I make every effort not to take that for granted. So please, STOP telling me how "lucky" I am to be away from them. Those days that we're apart? Those days are a sacrifice. It is for a bigger purpose that you may never understand. Stop looking at my life through rose-colored glasses. Turn around and look at your own and be thankful for those beautiful babies who are driving you crazy! And if you need a break that badly, ASK. I'd be happy to help, cuz I'm missing mine like crazy.
Maybe I'm alone in this... but I don't want breaks anymore, I don't want time apart. I want my kids. We have to be grateful for our kids. Always.
Rant officially over. No editing... just my crazy, jumbled thoughts. ;)
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